Let It All Go
by bruninhagalle
Summary: Jane and Weller are caught completely off guard by Roman's latest flashback. It's a conversation between Roman and Shepherd concerning Jane and Weller that changes everything for our favorite pair. A story full of Jeller for our broken hearts.


**A/N:** Hi, guys! I have no idea where this idea came from but I thought it was worthy of a fanfic. So to celebrate Blindspot's return this week, there you go! And I really hope last episode (especially the last scene) was an indication of the direction the show is taking from now on, which is, bringing Jeller back!

A huge thank you for my beta reader, Thaís Christ. You are the best! I love you.

* * *

" _And I know it's easy to say  
_ _But it's harder to feel this way  
_ _I miss you more than I should  
_ _Than I thought I could  
_ _Can't get my mind off of you._

 _It hasn't felt like this before  
It hasn't felt like home before you."_

 _ **(The Fear You Won't Fall - Joshua Radin)**_

The flashback caught him completely off guard. He wasn't supposed to remember something while waiting in the car with boredom threatening to kill him.

The mission was meant to be simple enough: the name of a suspect once again related to Roman and Sandstorm's phase 2 was identified thanks to one of Jane's tattoos and a little bit of help from Roman himself (the name trigged a memory of the man's face and the front of his house).

Once Patterson narrowed down his most likely location, they decided to bring Roman along with them so he could identify the guy and the house. It was all he was allowed to do. When the house part was done, they left him behind with a couple of FBI agents. As soon as the man was in custody, they would bring him out so Roman could positive ID him.

So there he was, watching as his sister and the rest of her team talked in front of the vehicle he was in. They seemed to have agreed on something and went their separate ways. Jane and Weller to the front door and Zapata and Reade around the house, towards its back door.

It was when Weller raised his hand to knock on the door that everything happened, including his memory. Before the FBI agent even had a chance to connect his hand with the wood, Jane was yelling his name and words like 'gun' and 'get down' and pushing him out of the way. The next thing Roman saw was her body hitting the door and crumpling to the ground, followed by Weller's desperate shouts of her name.

His instinct to protect his sister took over and he had his hand on the door's handle when the memory stopped him dead on his tracks. When it ended, he couldn't quite understand everything he'd seen and heard but now he definitely knew why his sister had just saved the Director's life without a care in the world about her own.

* * *

As soon as they came back to the NYO and stepped on their floor – the suspected had flown the scene and they decided to call it a day -, Jane wanted nothing more than escort Roman back to his cell and head home.

Her head was throbbing from the impact of it against the hard wooden door and the same was happening with the wound from the bullet that hit her on her left arm. She couldn't wait for the painkillers to finally kick in.

She was about to grab Roman's arm to direct him to the elevator when she felt Weller's hand on her back, ushering her to his office. She opened her mouth to ask if whatever he wanted with her couldn't wait until the next day but one look at his face – jaw set and hard eyes – and she changed her mind.

Inside his office, they stood facing each other, Kurt's eyes going from her injured arm to her face, back and forth. He was breathing hard, clearly agitated, his hands on his hips. She knew what he was going to say before he even uttered a word.

"What the hell were you thinking, Jane?" - His eyes finally fixed on hers and she didn't dare naming what she saw there besides anger and concern. No. Not coming from him. Not anymore. Probably, not ever again.

"I was saving your life. That was what I was thinking, Kurt." – She crossed her arms, ready to argue for as long as he wanted about what happened. Nothing he could say would change her mind: she'd take a bullet for him any time of any day.

"You could have gotten killed!"

"I wasn't, okay? But you'd be dead right now if I hadn't done what I did. He was…" – Her words got stuck on her throat as she remembered the scene. The red dot was aimed straight to his heart. One second, one damn second of hesitation, and he would be lying dead, gone forever from her life. She had never felt so happy for her incredible reflexes than in that moment. – "He was _not_ going to miss the shot he had at you, Kurt. And I would never stand by and let that happen."

"I'd gladly take any bullet if it means _you_ are safe. So you shouldn't go around putting yourself in front of bullets meant for _me_ , okay?"

Jane let out an impatient sigh, taking the steps needed to reach out and touch his chest with her index finger.

"The bullet would go through your back and hit you here." - She poked him where his heart was mercifully still beating, her own eyes and voice going hard. She would not back down and she would make him understand that was her only choice. – "I saw the red dot. I knew what was going to happen if I didn't push you away. So I did and I saved you and this," – She pointed to her own arm, the gauze with a little bit of blood on it. – "This means nothing, Kurt. This means nothing compared to the alternative."

She knew her eyes were giving too much away. Her voice was giving too much away but she didn't care. These past few months, since the night she went to his apartment and they found out Weller knew Shepherd from his teenage years, they were getting closer again. They talked more now, things not worked related. They hung out outside work: a beer or two to celebrate the end of a case. They met for lunch with no reason other than because they wanted to spend time together.

Their trust in one another was slowly coming back and sometimes she let herself be vulnerable like that in front of him again.

"It means something to me." – He whispered, carefully taking her wounded arm just like he had done the night after she was shot for the first time. – "I keep hearing the shot and then you falling. I had no idea, Jane. No idea where that bullet had hit you. When I saw the blood and you didn't respond to my calls right away, I thought the worst had happened. I thought I'd lost you."

 _Again._

"Kurt…" – The pain and fear (and that something else) in his eyes reminded her of the old days, before the lies and betrayals and arrests and CIA. She had never let herself hope that she would ever see him like that again. – "I'm fine, ok? I promise you."

He nodded, gently pulling her to him, his arms going around her in a tight hug. The warmth of her body and the feel of her heart steadily beating against his made him let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I'm sorry I scared you." – She murmured and it only made him hold her stronger.

"Promise me you won't do it again."

"No." – He was going to lean away from her but she held him fast, not letting him move. She wasn't sure she could say what she needed to if his blue eyes were on hers. – "I'll always do anything to protect you, whether you like it or not."

"Jane,"

He was interrupted by the office's door opening and Roman's unexpected voice.

"A lot of things make sense now."

His voice was calm and he almost smiled at the way the pair immediately let go of each other but remained close together, facing him side by side with confused expressions.

"What are you talking about, Roman?" – His sister had that hopeful look on her face that said she was dying to know if he had remembered something.

"After you got shot, I recovered a memory." – He looked from one to the other. He didn't know them well but from the little time he spent in their presence during some cases, he knew there was more to their relationship than they showed to the rest of the world. Maybe more than they even knew themselves. Or wanted to admit, anyway. Nonetheless, he'd seen the way they looked at each other, especially when they believed the other wasn't paying attention. And it was all getting more obvious these last weeks. - "It was a conversation between Shepherd and me. She was furious with you." – He pointed at Jane.

"Did she say why she was mad at me?" – Jane asked calmly, her mind trying to put his memory in the timeline of everything that happened. It probably took place when she found out Jane's loyalty was with the FBI. Always has been.

"She said she was disappointed in you and that erasing your memory had been a mistake. She said she missed Remi and that Remi would never turn her back on her family or on the mission because of some guy."

He saw his sister freezing, her whole body going stiff, waiting for his next words. He could see in her eyes she already knew who he was referring to.

"She said Remi would never fall in love with a guy like Kurt Weller."

The silence that descended on the room was so eerily quiet Roman was sure they could have heard a pin dropping. Weller was now as unmoving as Jane and they were doing everything they could to not look at each other. In fact, his sister was currently with her eyes very much closed, her cheeks suspiciously red.

It was Weller who recovered first, his voice all business.

"Is there anything else you remember?"

"No."

"Ok. I'll take you back to your cell. Let's go."

Weller led the way and the two men disappeared from the office before Jane could even open her eyes. She would be always glad for the way Kurt left the room to give her space and time to breathe.

She didn't believe Shepherd was completely right. Weller was not the only reason she decided not to follow the mission. This new person she became after being ZIPed was inherently good and would never agree to go on with what her former organization was planning. She would never agree on taking out innocent lives for the greater good or whatever the hell they believed they were doing.

No. She would never do that. She couldn't deny, however, that Kurt played a big part in helping her turn into this better person. He brought out the best in her. Always had.

Shepherd was right about one thing though. She _had_ fallen in love with Kurt Weller. She knew that. She knew that for some time now. She felt their connection since the first time she touched his face and she felt her love for him growing more and more after each day she got to know him and how amazing he was.

And now apparently Shepherd knew that too. And Roman. And oh God… Kurt.

She was aware she sort of told him about her feelings during a case right after she'd rejoined the team and she thought he understood what she was saying at the time but it wasn't as direct as Roman's memory, maybe not as clear as well.

God. She needed to get out of his office.

 _Now._

* * *

She knew she had made a mistake stopping by the locker room instead of going directly home when the door opened and closed. It was late, the building was empty and it had to be him. She didn't even need to turn around to confirm that.

She heard his footsteps stopping somewhere behind her. Taking a deep breath, she closed her locker and whirled to face him. Their eyes locked and they spent minutes just staring at each other, the two of them trying to find the right words.

"I think Shepherd is underestimating you, you know?" – Kurt broke the ice, a small smile on his lips. – "If she knew you at all, she'd know you don't need a man to stand for what you believe is right. That's all you, Jane."

"Yeah, well, I just needed to be ZIPed." – She tried to make it sound like a joke but he could easily detect an irritated undertone on her voice.

"Losing your memories was just the way you've got your second chance, Jane. It's the choices you've made so far that turned you into this new, amazing person."

She looked surprised and unbelieving at the compliment and his heart broke for her. He knew he was responsible for part of her doubts. He never gave her the chance – not even after her return to the FBI - to tell him, face to face, what made her do what she did. Not the whole story. He never told her he had forgiven her and that he now understood she'd do it all with the best intentions. He never told her a lot of things.

"I'm not as good as you make it sound, Kurt. We both know that. Remi would be very proud of some of the things I did to you… and to the team."

He took one more step towards her and stopped, restraining himself from reaching out and taking her in his arms. Her sad expression and self deprecating voice was killing him.

"You are wrong."

"Kurt,"

"No, hear me out, ok?" – She just nodded, waiting anxiously for what he had to say about it all. – "You told us you did what you did because you were trying to protect us. Protect me. You had to make impossible choices. You struggled with them every day, trying your hardest to stay truth to yourself and to what you _felt_ for us. Remi would never find herself in such position. She would easily make all the choices that meant the success of the mission, regardless of people's feeling in the process, including the ones she was supposed to love. You are not her, Jane."

Jane could feel her eyes filling with tears, not believing she was hearing these words from him, not believing he could see herself that way, so different from the person she used to be.

"You've made your mistakes, Jane, just as I've made mine but it does not make you Remi. It never did. I'm sorry if…" – He swallowed hard, hating himself for the thousandth time for everything he'd put her through. - "If I let you believe otherwise. You didn't deserve the way I treated you."

She was shaking her head vigorously. She had to be in some kind of alternative reality (perhaps a dream?) where they were having this conversation.

"Of course I did. I manipulated you. I used Taylor's story to lure you. I lied to you. And I got Mayfair killed."

" _No._ "- He took another step in her direction, almost into her personal space. – "Remi planned Taylor's part in all of this. _You_ had no way of knowing. And Oscar killed Mayfair, not you."

"The lying is all on me." – She sighed, averting her eyes and one more time wondering how much of her life would be different if she had gone directly to his house after that first night with Oscar.

"Well, as much as you like to think everyone is perfect but you, we are not. We all make mistakes. I've lied to you too. So I say we call ourselves even and move on from all of that. What do you say?"

Jane leaned back, resting her head against her locker. She suddenly felt tired of everything: Remi's past, her own mistakes, the way she was never sure where she stood with this man that was everything to her.

She was just tired.

"Jane, look at me." – She slowly opened her eyes, fixing them on his. – "I forgive you."

He looked so serious she couldn't bring herself to refute his words. He really was forgiving her for everything. Eyes filling with tears once again, Jane felt her heart bursting with relief. She launched herself at him, not even thinking about it, just letting her body collide with his. His arms immediately went around her, holding her as close to him as he could.

How he missed this.

How he missed _her_.

"Can you forgive me too?" – He murmured against her ear. Her first response was to hold him even more fiercely, loving him even more for asking it. If he could forgive her – and her past – after all she'd done, she could forgive him for everything that happened since he arrested her.

"I forgive you, Kurt."

They laughed quietly, both feeling as if a weight had just been lifted from their shoulders. They stayed locked in their embrace for minutes, a peaceful silence around them.

"I missed you."- Kurt told her, leaning back to see her face.

She opened a brilliant smile, one he didn't know until that moment he wanted so desperately to see, one he promised himself he'd do his best to put on her face from now on as often as possible.

"I missed you too."

They smiled stupidly at each other and Jane held her breath when he leaned forward again, his lips pressing against her forehead. Her mind went to that wonderful night, right before her nightmare began, when they kissed and smiled at each other just like they were doing seconds ago.

When he finally pulled back, she instantly missed the contact but knew if he didn't stopped, she wouldn't be able to refrain herself from kissing him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jane."

She only nodded, their whole conversation playing on a loop inside her head. Roman's words returned too and she couldn't help being honest with him. After all, he deserved the truth, especially if it came from her.

"Shepherd was right about one thing."

He was almost at the door when her voice gave him pause. He swirled to face her, noticing a light in her eyes that was also missing before.

"Remi would never fall in love with a guy like you."

He let out a surprised laugh, not really expecting her to address this part of Roman's memory.

"I'm sure she wouldn't, Jane." – Remi liked bad guys like Oscar, his mind supplied.

"But Jane would." – She smiled shyly, thinking she must be out of her mind to say something like that and to talk about herself in third person. – "Jane _is_."

It was his turn to open a smile that could light up the entire world. She felt butterflies all over her stomach. The look he was giving her took her breath completely away.

"Well, then Shepherd should also know that I'd never fall for a woman like Remi." – Kurt said casually, not daring to move. If he got close enough to Jane, he wouldn't resist taking that delicious mouth of hers in his. – "Erasing your memory might have been a mistake to her but it was the greatest gift she ever gave to you. And to me. Because…" – He gulped, forcing himself to say the next words. He knew he had terrible skills at communicating but he was trying to improve it. – "Because you are the kind of woman I see myself _choosing_."

Jane was sure her heart had just stopped. She didn't need to ask him what the hell he meant. She knew he was referencing to their conversation while dancing at Rich Dotcom's party. She knew exactly what it meant even if she couldn't believe her ears.

She definitely could believe the smile and the look on his eyes. So full of honesty, of happiness, of… love.

"Next time I see her, I'll make sure to thank her for ZIPing me."

"Next time you see her, I'll be by your side and we'll thank her together."

He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He wouldn't let Jane out of his sight and her days fighting against Sandstorm alone were over since the last failed mission.

They were in this together.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jane."

It was her time to watch dumbly as he opened and closed the door. In the deserted locker room, she felt like screaming with happiness.

They were finally on the same page and she vowed to make the most beautiful memories. They deserved it.

More than anything.

* * *

 **A/N:** Any thoughts, you guys? Did you like it?


End file.
